The Midnight News 8.02.01
Posted By Hyatte on 08.02.01
The Sandman, Kidman, Another Wrestling Death, DDP, Lawler, Undertaker Porn, When Sandmen Attack, and Honky Reacts
"I find it ironic that you, the one who lost all his popularity because you got so caught up in ego in your mop-ups that you no longer even bothered to report what actually happened, would criticize others for editorials. Your lack of maturity is amazing. But hey, I'm cool. The two dozen readers of yours could hardly spell, and I'm ecstatic to be me, and not you.
At least (I hope), my two dozen readers knew how to avoid RUN-ON SENTENCES!!!
Ah, so that was why my popularity left me! I forgot, I became addicted to fame!
Vassar College.... pompous... Daddy is probably paying his way... adds unwanted negative commentary to a spoiler e-mail because dammit, he DESERVES TO HAVE A FORUM...
Gee, he isn't the perfect sterotypical Ivy League student, is he?
I'm Chris... this is the news. Off we go.
HE SPRAINED IT ON TORRIE'S BREAST
Scherer says that WCW.com says that Billy Kidman banged up his knee at a house show a few days ago. He made it worse on Raw by fighting X-Pac. He's on the DL until SummerSlam, hopefully.
So, if YOU want to report this... you have to say "Hyatte said that Scherer said that WCW.com said...".
HAK ATTACK
RF Video scored a PULL NO PUNCHES SHOOT INTERVIEW with the Sandman....
But you have to PAY for that one... instead, we get a powder puff kayfabe lovin' interview. Here are select cuts:
-Sandman says that he is Head Booker for the new MECW. He recruits talent, runs the video crew, runs security, runs the ring crew, everything.
-He says MECW will be more WRESTLING focused than ECW, but there will be violence when violence is called for. There will also be T&A; when T&A; is called for, but really, it'll be back to basic style of wrestling. (I smell HEADLOCKS AND LOTS OF THEM!!)
-He says that MECW WILL be the alternative to the WWF
-The plan is to have shows every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.... the shows will swing into "groups" around the country.... (I have no idea what that means)
-He explained that each "group" will be a show with different wrestlers.... with camera crews everywhere to tape them and incorporate everything into a TV show.
-He says that a TV contract deal with UPN and the WB is already a "done deal". he also says that he has a lot of talent signed on "a handshake".
-So far, they have himself, Sabu, Curt Henning (champion), The FBI, The Public Enemy, Chris Chetti, Danny Doring, Joey Matthews, Christian York, Jason Sensation, Spanky, Blue Meanie, Jasmin, Crowbar, John Finnegan, Mike Kehner, Jack Victory, Steve Corino, Joey Abs, The Kingpins, Ruckus, Rob Walters, Michael Shane, Sinister Minister, Mikey Whipwreck, Cham Pain, and is trying to contact Kid Kash and Chilly Willy. The plan is to keep ECW stars primarily up North for drawing power and the Southern guys down South...
-He says that they have money and a national syndicate deal right off the bat, so they are already ahead of the game when compared to ECW.
-Sandman promises to show people the business side of him... so the boozing backstage will be cut back.
R.I.P.
I believe this was pulled from The Observer
"Rhonda Singh, who also wrestled under the names Bertha Faye in the WWF and Monster Ripper in Japan and Mexico, passed away this past Friday at the age of 40. Singh, in the mid-80s when she headlined in Japan was nicknamed the female Terry Gordy because of her size and brawling style before later becoming a comedy figure in the WWF and the butt of some jokes in WCW"
Ah well.
In afterlife news: The moment Bertha Faye arrived to Wrestling Purgatory she was ambushed by Sapphire just as she was about to run into the Von Erich beatdown of Terry Gordy. Having caved in his skull with the Claw, David Von Erich is currently eating away at Gordy's brains as Kerry tries to claw his way through Gordy's intestines.
NO, NO DDP... ONLY THE UT CAN NO-SELL A PUNCH!
RF Video says that DDP and Mike Awesome are not making their new Bosses happy. It seems that at recent WWF house shows, the Undertaker has been less than thrilled with the WCWers workrate. RF speculates that this may be the reason Awesome dropped matches to both Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn during Tuesday's TV tapings.
And DDP may end up getting pushed as a Face too.
A FOOL IN LOVE
Well, Jerry "The King" Lawler finally finished his statement about the relationship between him and his Wife.... it's all over the Web by now, so I won't post the whole thing.
What I will post is the saddest part... the part all men HATE... the part that all women LOVE.... the part that all men HAVE GONE THROUGH.... HAVE LIVED... the part that all women LIVE FOR.... the part that every man who has ever had his heart broken will relate to.
I will post the part where Lawler literally cries like a girl over his broken heart.
Yes, I will post the DOUCHCHILL PART:
Note: The following is less of a confession than it is a last, desperate attempt by Lawler to win back his woman through heartfelt emotions. This is the "Come back to me, please" phase that all men have gone through. If you haven't, you're still a boy. Prepare for the worst.
And please ladies... try not to laugh TOO loud.
Then on July 13th, what an appropriately unlucky day for me, I watched as Stacy pulled out of our driveway in Memphis for the last time and headed for Florida. From that day until this, I have literally been out of my mind with grief. I just can't understand how something so good could suddenly go so wrong. I am in our house alone for the first time in my life and I can't tell you what a miserable feeling it is. Every thing I look at reminds me of Stacy. I think of her constantly. Where is she? What is she doing? Who is she with? Why doesn't she want to be with me? Nights are absolutely the worst. To have to get into the bed we've shared for the last 12 years alone is almost more than I can bear. I look over at her pillow where she laid her head at night and she's not there.....it's really tough. But every night, I tuck her in with loving thoughts and I wonder, can she sense it. And every morning I wake her with a gentle kiss...and I wonder, can she feel it. It isn't easy being in love with someone and not being able to see them every day. I'd give anything just to be able to gaze into Stacy's eyes or hold her in my arms, even for a few minutes. I feel incomplete, like a part of me is missing when we are not together. But I may have to face the fact, that as much as I thought Stacy was my soul-mate, she was not really the right person for me. As painful as that sounds to me it may be a reality. If so, I will move on. I will survive. And I will love again! I wish Stacy nothing but happiness, and I sincerely hope that after some time she realizes that she can be happy with me.
Oh... oh GOD!!
Dammit... damn it all to hell. Poor Shlub.
You can go to his site for the full transcript.
HE COULDN'T FIND A DATE FOR THE SHOW
Someone wants to unload a pair of Brian Pillman Memorial tickets... so he went to a guy on Wrestleline.
The Wrestleline guy went to the ONE PERSON WHO HAS THE JUICE... no, not Downtown Dave... and for CHRISSAKES... not Scaia either!
Well, he went to EBay too... and is begging someone... ANYONE to plug the site so he can get rid of these charity tix (and make a meager little profit too.... who says Pillman can't still make SOMEONE some $$$?).
Anyway, if you want to go to the show... you can bid for the third row tickets Here
His name is... actually, I have no clue... I really don't think his parents named him wcwfjojo@aol.com
Current bid: $100.00
HE MAY BE SAND, BUT HE'S NO DAY AT THE BEACH
A very nice girl called me yesterday and congratulated me for being... well, me.
She offered to tell a killer Sandman story, but I was on my way to the toilet and couldn't make the time, so she was nice enough to tell her tale in a letter. I thought you would like to read about how even a sports entertainer can sometimes be a dickhead.... (believe it or not, it DOES happen from time to time). Seeing how you just read a Sandman interview... this makes a good time to run it.
Sandman did an autograph signing in my area not to long ago. Only 5 people showed up. After seeing him in action, I wish it were less.
First off, he comes through the door with Bill Alfonso. Let me say that Fonzie might not be the cleanest looking person, but he was very sweet. Now for those who have never met the hardcore schmegma(the puss that develops inside of an uncircumcised penis when not clean)Sandman, the man should seriously consider taking Ritalin. I can't help wonder if he was completely coked on this day.
He has a posse with him and he says "You can ask me anything you want" to the kids, and I was glad to cuz I was a fan(notice I'm saying "was"). Now Sandman, whose real name is Jim, insists on being called Hak. I asked him if his wife really got the sh*t kicked out of her by Rhino. In fact, she did. Peaches spent some time at the chiropractor after that, and he wanted his kid to watch so it would be real. He dicked around at the signing and then Fonzie got hungry, so they were going to go get something to eat. Being from out of town, they didn't know where to go. I graciously offered to let them follow my car to a restaurant they wanted to try. He also said he would meet my friends if I had them show up(this is still the "nice" Hak, but the mood is about to change). By now, I'm calling up my boyfriend (surprise, I'm not a ring rat) to come and meet us there.
At the restaurant, I'm not sure why, but he started flipping out. Like flipping out ECW style, yelling as loud as he possibly could, very creepy. Maybe he wasn't getting enough attention from strangers. He was screaming and swearing in front of families and kiddies eating ice cream. One woman shrieked "Hey, I got kids over here!" He then turns to me and screams "what about you girly (I’m not significant enough to have a name), do you know the store owner!" I say no and he starts screaming that he's been robbed, by one of the Boston Bruins(this one was reeeeaaal weird, what drug makes you mistake people for members of the Boston Bruins?).
Fonzie gets up to go to the bathroom, and Sandman is still going nuts and in between yelling & cursing, is eating Fonzies food off his plate(sick)! He also makes the rounds to his posse's plates & eats their scraps. It was nasty. So then they all get ice cream and stood around yelling in the parking lot again, you know, for people who might not have seen him yelling the first time. He also wasn't particularly congenial to my boyfriend that he said he would meet.
What’s the lesson here? Don't hang around with second rate talent! Don't hang around with has beens, and please, don't hang around with Hak.
And if your a ring rat, get tested...
...and don't touch James Fullington!!
Yes, all you rats out there... take heed!
Thanks baby.... I enjoyed that. Anytime you like, I will happily to down on you. YOU EARNED IT!!!
BUT, PLUGS
The World According To Ron is Ron Gamble's master stroke. Ron runs all over the place this week, commenting on ideas, concepts and other synonyms of these words. Ron's been with 411 forEVER.... and he has STILL never offically welcomed me aboard.
Time for a Take is Joe Rivett’s new column. Joe examines the Big Show and DEMANDS that you either agree or disagree with him... he will post the best response and you will both have a great online debate!!! Now isn’t that COOL???
Hey, the kid’s trying to do something new. Give him a break. (I’m not sure if I’m talking to you, or myself)
Oh, and on Monday... look for the debut of a brand new column from a brand new 411 writer. Only this time, some of you KNOW him. He's actually been a part of the business! It's very exciting. I recruited him.
Finally, as Widro reported earlier... yes, today marks the 5th year anniversary of 411. Indeed, 5 years ago, a pair of little scamps snagged some free space at Geocities and proceeded to build an EMPIRE!!!!
What a weird little history here. The rise of Dave Gagnon, the Defection of Dave Gagnon to Scoops, the Debut of Chris Mack, The Firing of Chris Mack a Month Later, The Return of Dave Gagnon, The Flying Scots, Rob... umm.... something, I forget his name, The Debut of Spiffy Sean, The Firing of Spiffy Sean, The Debut of the ScoopThis/411 Partnership, The Break-Up of the ScoopThis/411 Partnership After A Week, The Re-Return of Dave Gagnon, The Fall of Dave Gagnon, The Re-Re-Return of the Sober Dave Gagnon, The Sudden Disappearance of Sober Dave Gagnon, the Debut of The Recapper With the Heart of Gold and the Penchant for Homo Jokes, The First Vacation of The Recapper With the Heart of Gold and the Penchant for Homo Jokes, The First Extended Vacation of The Recapper With the Heart of Gold and the Penchant for Homo Jokes, The Retirement of The Recapper With the Heart of Gold and the Penchant for Homo Jokes, and the Debut of the News Reporter With the Heart of Gold and the Penchant for Homo Jokes.
By God.... F-the fans.... when will Widro thank ME????
TAKE US HOME, HONKY
Of course, how can we absorb the words of Jerry Lawler without some reaction from none other than....
Wayne Ferris: The Honky Tonk Man!!!
In a statement issued, Lawler has confirmed what most of you read here first. It is official and the Kat is gone. For all those people who say this a personal matter and should not have been made public, I say "get real." Lawler has used the Internet to promote his own agenda and he used his wrestler wanta be, soon x-wife as part of his bag of tricks. If you or your spouse, girlfriend, live in lover, arena rats, or whatever you want to call them are in this business, then all is fair game. Cruel but Fair.
He has a point, you know. It was the King who made this public. Honky, of course, fueled it.
He's also dead on balls right when he says he scooped EVERYONE on this.
I wonder if the fact that HTM is Lawler's former (?) brother-in-law has anything to do with this?
Well... another day... another column... another SUCCESS!!!
This is Hyatte